How to Talk With Your Loved One About Home Care
It might be difficult to start the conversation with a loved one about their need to get a caregiver. Understanding why it’s a sensitive topic and doing a little bit of preparation will make this process a little bit easier.
June 26, 2024
It might be difficult to start the conversation with a loved one about their need to get a caregiver. Understanding why it is a sensitive topic and doing some preparation will make this process a little bit easier.
Here are a few reasons preventing you or them from breaching this topic:
They may be in denial about getting older and needing some help.
They may not know the benefits of having a home caregiver.
They may be averse to making changes in their lives.
They may be worried about the cost.
They may be hesitant to have a “stranger” come into their home.
There are many more reasons not listed here and understanding how they feel is the first step you need to take. Consider that they may be feeling some or all of these normal concerns. Then, contemplate on the following tips for before, during and after your conversation with your loved one:
Before:
Do your research.
How can you or your loved one benefit from having a caregiver? Knowing this can help you make a compelling case when talking to them.
Frame your message.
You don’t want your loved one to be on the defensive. So it’s important to highlight your concerns for their safety and well-being instead of making them feel like they’re losing the ability to care for themselves.
Find support.
You can enlist the help of another trusted family, friend or even a doctor. It may be beneficial to hear from another person.
Practice.
Go over what you plan to say and practice with another person. Anticipate your loved one’s response or the questions you may get from them, and prepare your own response.
During:
Make it a conversation.
Present your thoughts and listen to what they have to say. Address their concerns and promise to get the answers to the questions you don’t know how to answer.
Focus on the positives.
Remember to highlight the benefits of getting a caregiver. Lean on the research you’ve done. Again, don’t forget to address their concerns.
Call on your support person.
If you need to, get your support person to help back you up. Just make sure that your loved one doesn’t feel like you are uniting against them.
After:
Follow up.
If they had questions you couldn’t answer, make sure to find the answer and follow up with your loved one.
We hope that these tips can help you navigate this difficult dialogue and that you remember to do this with empathy and understanding. Do not hesitate to call us at Light and Life Home Care if you need any assistance.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
While attending Mass yesterday, the elderly lady in front of us lost consciousness. I noticed what was happening and my first instinct was to get help from my mother who was sitting all the way at the other end of our pew. She’s a retired nurse with decades of experience with the elderly and the sick…
May 20, 2024
While attending Mass yesterday, the elderly lady in front of us lost consciousness. Luckily, she was kneeling at the time so she didn’t fall on the floor and simply leaned towards her husband. The husband was calling her name and tried to wake her up. I noticed what was happening and my first instinct was to get help from my mother who was sitting all the way at the other end of our pew. She’s a retired nurse with decades of experience with the elderly and the sick, having worked at a long-term care facility in New York City. She rushed over to help care for the lady, while my husband tried to get the lady in a better position so as not to fall further, and I grabbed my phone to call 911. Thankfully, the lady gained consciousness after a minute or so, and the Emergency Medical Services came to assess her and bring her to the hospital. But this incident made me realize one thing: even though I'm an adult now with 3 kids, I still look towards my mother for help in cases like this. This wasn’t the first time that someone fainted in our vicinity at church.
Heroes are Not Always Calm and Confident
The truth is that I don’t normally seek my mother when my children are sick or when they hurt themselves. Primarily because she panics, her blood pressure rises, and she always looks close to tears when she sees any family member hurt, especially her grandchildren. Somehow, if it’s a stranger who needs help, she acts calmly and knows exactly what to do. It probably makes sense to be more affected by seeing a family member hurt, thereby clouding one’s judgment. The husband of the elderly lady was a good example as he was in shock and mostly in a panic trying to wake her.
I also realized that I felt a little guilty that I couldn’t provide more assistance. The lady was directly in front of me after all, and all I did was ask my mother for help and then call 911 for more help.
Heroes Help other Heroes
This incident made me wonder how many of us become so distraught seeing a loved one hurt or in a medical emergency that our judgment is clouded and we fail to give them the help that they need? How many of us fail to ask for help? And how many of us feel guilty about asking for help? These are all not uncommon, and in fact natural. But if we want to help our loved ones and do something truly heroic, there are 3 main things we can do:
Recognize when you need help.
Seek and accept the help of others.
Release the guilt of seeking help for your loved one.
These also apply for when your loved one needs a caregiver. It is important to recognize the signs that you need support – read my blog “5 Signs It’s Time to Use a Home Care Provider”. When you assess that you need some assistance, seek for a trustworthy home care service. Do your due diligence finding the help that you need. And lastly, release the guilt of needing to ask for support because you are only trying to do what’s best for everyone.
We don’t all have to be the hero that we think we need to be. Sometimes we simply need to be the hero that someone needs at that moment in time.